We named our party play list daddy issues
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
