I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
