come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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