guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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