please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
