its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I believe in your delicious
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
