threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
