I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Randomize
