thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
As shirtless as possible
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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