I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
