hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
she told me i tasted like america
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
