Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
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