I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
