why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
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