I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
