The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
