I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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