when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
