Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
ttyl tear gas
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
