I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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