I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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