Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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