i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
