Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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