TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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