I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
