I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
