ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
