Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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