I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
