The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Randomize
