My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
