I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
