I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
