Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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