I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
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