like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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