it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
