Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
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I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
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I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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