Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
