# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
