do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
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