I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
