I think i peed on brittanys purse
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
