Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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