Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
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long story
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weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
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