i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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