What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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