my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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