I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Randomize
