just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
