I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
