so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
He shit in the fireplace
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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