Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
