so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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