well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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