Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
