I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
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