I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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