sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
