Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
