We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
