I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
We're too hungover to prance.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
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