i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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