drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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