You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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