WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
