I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Text me some of your sweat
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
