We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
