You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
