if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
