Im at strip club and am horny
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Two words: blizzard sex
I just sucked dick on a ferry
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
