I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
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