Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
