obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
