I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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