Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
