my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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