I'm gonna have a badass scar
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
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